Crazy fuckin' dreams, I tell ya!

This whole week I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I'm really not sure why. Is it because there's a lot on my mind? Too much energy at night from working out? Anticipation for the return of SG:U? Who knows? One thing's for sure, in the short amount of sleep I do get, I've been having some weird ass dreams! For instance, let's take last nights winner for 'Most Fucked-Up And Unbelievably Weird Dream That Has To Be Made Into A Movie'. Some of it is a little foggy, but that may be a good thing. What I can tell you for sure is it was an amalgamation of things that happened or I saw over the last couple weeks. Very odd how it all came together.

I remember it started with me sitting at home, eating dinner with the family. My dog was running around with something in it's mouth. It was some kind of egg. I took the egg and all of a sudden we got attacked by a raptor. Yes. A fucking raptor. We ran, but, like in most dreams, I couldn't run and so I had to shoot it with a squirt gun. The raptor melted and then, in a British voice, it said, "You shouldn't do that!" That's it. That's all it said. Then, somehow, I was magically transported to Tony Stark's house. I saw him chasing around Peper Potts with one of those extendable arm thingies that old people use to reach stuff. I walked over and had some kind of conversation with them, all the while referring to them as "Rob" and "Pal". They didn't like that. I don't remember the conversation, but Hugh Jackman walked in and tore the place up.

I woke up for a few seconds and was kind of pissed, as one would be when they had a chance to watch Wolverine kill Iron Man. Anyway, I fell back asleep and I had one of the dreams I hate the most, which is being stranded in the middle of the fucking ocean. Don't ask me why, but every now and again I get a dream involving the ocean. This time it was me and my buddy Matt just standing there on a little sandbar, completely surrounded by water on all sides. I remember saying something to him about how the water was gonna rise the closer nightfall came. Just like that, a fishing boat arrived and saved us. The dream then switched to Sea World where I was playing a concert in Shamu Stadium with Dream Theater and motherfucking Sham was singing! But, when I went backstage, I saw Harland Williams squealing into a microphone. I was pissed and started yelling that Shamu was lip synching.

The dream switched again and I was surrounded by co-workers, old and new. Not sure where we were, but it was definitely at someone's house that I didn't recognize. Everyone seemed to know eachother and I couldn't understand why. I somehow ended up in the garage and in there was a silver Ferrari F430 Spyder with a bow and my name on it. I picked up the card and it read "All yours. - Steve." I'm like "Who the fuck is Steve?" As soon as I say that, out from the trunk pops up a man in a black turtleneck and Levi's 501 jeans shouting, "ME, BUG FUCKER! STEVE JOBS!"

I woke up as soon as that happened. I was pissed. Again. Steve Jobs gave me a Ferrari. Who the fuck would be happy waking up and finding out that was a dream? Uhg...