You know what's not awesome?

My dog Ozzy when he craps in my room. Seriously, I think he saves the good ones for me. Shit is huge! The best way to understand the sheer magnitude of these monsters coming out of this little Maltese is to picture yourself crapping out a fully-inflated football WITH placeholder! I thought what I saw was a cigar on the floor and almost left it. I did a double-take and when I realized what it was I was like "Did I get drunk, last night?" I should've taken a picture. I'll have to draw something up to scale later on. He had a habit of leaving 'em under my bed, but I guess he feels like it's not as dramatic if I don't see 'em right away? Eh... at least they don't smell or stain the carpet.

Update - Photographic evidence found!