I am sofa king slow in the morning

For real! I normally wake up [read: stumble out of bed in a zombie-like fashion] at 7:03 (don't ask), when my alarm clock goes off. I strategically place it far away from my bed and set it to WBLI which plays the most annoying pop music and whose am dj's include one incredibly flamboyant gay man who insists on screaming everything he says. There's no way I can sleep through that, so I'm forced to get out of bed and turn that garbage off. For some reason, though, everything I do after that just takes so much goddamn time! By the time I'm done in the bathroom, it's after 7:30! WTF?!? By the time I'm dressed, bags packed, meds taken, cologne sprayed, it's almost 8am. At least traffic isn't always that bad so, fortunately, I'm rarely late to work. There seems to be this odd window where if I'm on the road between 7:50-7:55 I'll just make it to work at 8:30. If I'm on the road between 8:00-8:05, I'll get to work earlier. Que?